My Second Favorite Household Chore Is Ironing.

Maybe You Know Why A Child Can Reject A Hot Dog With Mustard Served On A Soft Bun At Home, Yet Eat Six Of Them Two Hours Later At Fifty Cents Each.

In Russia, As I Sat There Day After Day Wearing Headphones, Listening To The Interpreter Struggle To Make Our Words Relevant, I Wondered If We Could Establish Meaningful Rapport With A Nation That Had Never Seen Raisins Dance In Dark Glasses On Tv...never Had A Garage Sale.

The Rose Bowl Is The Only Bowl I've Ever Seen That I Didn't Have To Clean.

Written On Her Tombstone: "i Told You I Was Sick.

Never Go To Your High School Reunion Pregnant Or They Will Think That Is All You Have Done Since You Graduated.