My New Years Resolution? I Will Be

I'm The Youngest, Too. When You're The Youngest Of A Big Family, People Are Like, "you're The Baby, You're Spoiled!" The Fact Of The Matter Is, When You're The Youngest Of A Big Family, By The Time You're A Teenager, Your Parents Are Insane. You're Like, "hey, I'm Going Roller-skating-" "you're Not Going Roller-skating Or You'll End Up Pregnant Like Your Sister. Why Don't You Smoke Pot And Become A Lawyer?"

Comics Write To Their Point Of View. If You're An Exceedingly Irreverent Comedian, You've Got To See Where That Point Of View Fits Or Produces The Most Funny.

As I Go On In Standup, I Keep Being Described As Cleaner And Cleaner As I Do Each Hour, They're Like, 'it's Unbelievable How Clean,' 'he's The Cleanest Person In The World.' And Then I'll Do Shows And People Will Be Like, 'you're Supposed To Be So Clean, But You're Talking About Cancer.'

I'm A Comedian, Which Is The Opposite Of A Lifestyle That Equips You To Be A Parent.

Whenever I'm Out Of Town For At Least A Week, I Feel Like I Should Write A Postcard Or Something, But You Can Be A Genius, You Try And Write A Postcard You Come Across Like A Moron Anyway: 'this City's Got Big Buildings. I Like Food. Bye.'