My Girlfriend Just Told Me I Am

I Wouldn't Hurt A Flea. I'd Finger A Spider Though.

The Comedy Store - All Three Rooms Were Filled With 800 People In The Room. And During That Time, All These Guys And Some Women, But Mostly Guys Who Weren't Funny Were Doing Stand Up For A Living; They Weren't Accountants, They Were Making $30-$50 Grand A Year On The Road, Or More.

A Lot Of People Ask Me What My Favorite Episode Of Full House Was, I Always Tell Them: It Was The Last One!

I Was Going To Do A Big Radio Show, And I Said To My Driver, 'radio Can Wait, Take Me To The Full House House.' It Literally Was A Drive-by. I Photobombed The Full House House Yesterday. I Took Like 20 Pictures Because I Thought I Didn't Look Good In Any Of These - You Can't See The House! You Gotta Really Show That That's The House!

My Mom Just Told Me It's Impossible To Know What's Going To Happen In Life. Except With Breakfast, Cause She Eats The Same Thing Every Day.