My Act Is Sort Of Improvisational. I

The Position Of First Lady Has No Rules, Just Precedent, So Its Evolution Has Been At A Virtual Standstill For Years. If Martha Washington Didn't Do It, Then No One Is Sure It Should Be Done.

I Don't Have A Bank Account Because I Don't Know My Mother's Maiden Name And Apparently That's The Key To The Whole Thing Right There. I Go In Every Few Weeks And Guess.

I’m An Atheist. The Good News About Atheists Is That We Have No Mandate To Convert Anyone. So You’ll Never Find Me On Your Doorstep On A Saturday Morning With A Big Smile Saying ‘just Stopped By To Tell You There Is No Word. I Brought Along This Little Blank Book I Was Hoping You Could Take A Look At.’

I'm The Only Person I Know Of Who's Ever Been Pulled Over For Attempted Speeding.

The Wages Of Sin Are Death, But By The Time Taxes Are Taken Out, It's Just Sort Of A Tired Feeling.