Marriage Is Grand. Divorce Is About Twenty

Republicans Are Now Saying That Dan Rather Should Lose His Job Because He Misled The Country With Bogus Information. Which Is Odd Because The Democrats Are Saying The Exact Same Thing About President Bush.

In Huntington Beach, California, Three Police Instructors Lost Their Jobs After Ordering Two Cadets Who Were Caught Smoking To Eat Cigarette Sandwiches As Punishment. And Of Course The Tobacco Companies Are Thinking, 'cigarette Sandwiches - What A Great Idea.'

Barack Obama Now Says He Is Open To Offshore Oil Drilling. So, Apparently, When He Promised Change, He Was Talking About His Mind.

Hillary Clinton Said That Her Childhood Dream Was To Be An Olympic Athlete. But She Was Not Athletic Enough. She Said She Wanted To Be An Astronaut, But At The Time They Didn't Take Women. She Said She Wanted To Go Into Medicine, But Hospitals Made Her Woozy. Should She Be Telling People This Story? I Mean She's Basically Saying She Wants To Be President Because She Can't Do Anything Else.

Gray Davis Got Some Good News This Week: The Clintons Are Out Here In California Campaigning For Him. Actually, Hillary Is Campaigning For Davis, Bill Is Out Here For Larry Flynt.