Liberals Want To Burn The Flag, But

Women Don't Want All That. Women Just Want A Partner Who Is Considerate And Attentive, Who Will Spoon With Them While Reciting Keats, And Feed Them Organic Yogurt By Candlelight On A Seaside Cliff At Sunset.

The Summer Movies Are Coming Out. My Advice: Just Stay Home And Burn A Good Book.

If Jesus Doesn't Have A Sense Of Humor, I Am In Huge Trouble.

And Of Course I Don't Go Anywhere Without My Pet Goldfish, Anthrax. I Always Tell Security I'm Carrying Anthrax. Yeah, Sure I Get A Lot Of Guff About It, But It's A Family Name; I'm Not Changing It.

After Obsessively Googling Symptoms For Four Hours, I Discovered 'obsessively Googling Symptoms' Is A Symptom Of Hypochondria.