Just Remember: Surviving Is The Best Revenge,

Never Floss With A Stranger.

People Are Arguing Whether Mel Gibson's "passion Of The Christ" Is Anti-semitic. Well, Whether It Is Or It Isn't, It Doesn't Matter, Because I've Been In Touch With His Accounting Firm, Rosencrantz, Levy And Stern, And They're Screwing Him Out Of His Profits.

When A Man Has A Birthday, He Takes A Day Off. When A Woman Has A Birthday, She Takes At Least Three Years Off.

The Last Time I Appeared In Las Vegas, They Were Wearing Hoop Skirts And Davy Crockett Hats, ... But They Say 'what Happens In Vegas, Stays In Vegas.' And As Far As Fashion Is Concerned, That's A Good Thing.

Life Goes By Fast. Enjoy It. Calm Down. It's All Funny.