It's Such A Surprise For The Eastern

I Will Accept Anything In The Theatre . . . Provided It Amuses Or Moves Me. But If It Does Neither, I Want To Go Home.

Any Part Of The Piggy Is Quite All Right With Me Ham From Westphalia, Ham From Parma Ham As Lean As The Dalai Lama Ham From Virginia, Ham From York, Trotters Sausages, Hot Roast Pork. Crackling Crisp For My Teeth To Grind On Bacon With Or Without The Rind On Though Humanitarian I'm Not A Vegetarian. I'm Neither Crank Nor Prude Nor Prig And Though It May Sound Infra Dig Any Part Of The Darling Pig Is Perfectly Fine With Me.

I Do Not Intend To Let Myself Down More Than I Can Possibly Help, And I Find That The Fewer Illusions I Have About Myself Or The World Around Me, The Better Company I Am For Myself.

Though The Fact That They Have To Be Rebuilt And Frequently Mortgaged To The Hilt Is Inclined To Take The Gilt Off The Gingerbread, And Certainly Damps The Fun Of The Eldest Son.

If By Any Chance A Playwright Wishes To Express A Political Opinion Or A Moral Opinion Or A Philosophy, He Must Be A Good Enough Craftsman To Do It With So Much Spice Of Entertainment In It That The Public Get The Message Without Being Aware Of It.