It's Just A Matter Of Time Before

John Kerry's Wife Teresa Heinz Is On The Cover Of Newsweek Magazine This Week And They Said That If He Is Elected President, She Will Be The Oldest First Lady In American History. But That Doesn't Bother John Kerry, He Said, 'to Me, She Looks Like A Million Bucks'

I Tell You, The Economy Is In Bad Shape. In Fact, The Economy Is So Bad, President Barack Obama's New Slogan Is 'spare Change You Can Believe In.'

Courtney Love Said She Once Escorted Kerry To A Concert. John Kerry Once Went Out With Courtney Love And He's Questioning Bush's Judgment.

According To The Latest Poll, A Record 73 Percent Of Americans Think The Country Is Headed In The Wrong Direction. But The Good News: Gas Is So Expensive That We'll Never Get There.

Ann Landers Said That You Are Addicted To Sex If You Have Sex More Than 3 Times A Day, And That You Should Seek Professional Help. I Have News For Ann Landers: The Only Way I Am Going To Get Sex 3 Times A Day Is If I Seek Professional Help.