It's Always Funny Until Someone Gets Hurt.

People Are Bringing Shotguns To Ufo Sightings...brings A Whole New Meaning To That Phrase 'you Ain't From Around Here, Ar'ya?'

Billy Ray Cyrus Does Not Smoke. Michael Bolton Doesn't...paula Abdul Doesn't...there Does Seem To Be A Pattern.

I Believe That The Bible Is The Literal Word Of God. And I Say No, It's Not, Dad. Well, I Believe That It Is. Well, You Know, Some People Believe They're Napoleon. That's Fine. Beliefs Are Neat. Cherish Them, But Don't Share Them Like They're The Truth.

You Think When Jesus Comes Back, He Really Wants To See A Cross? That's Like Going Up To Jackie Onassis With A Rifle Pendant On.

If You Want To Understand A Society, Take A Good Look At The Drugs It Uses. And What Can This Tell You About American Culture? Well, Look At The Drugs We Use. Except For Pharmaceutical Poison, There Are Essentially Only Two Drugs That Western Civilization Tolerates: Caffeine From Monday To Friday To Energize You Enough To Make You A Productive Member Of Society, And Alcohol From Friday To Monday To Keep You Too Stupid To Figure Out The Prison That You Are Living In.