In His Annual Economic Report To Congress

The Environmental Protection Agency Is Conducting A Seven-hundred-thousand-dollar Study To See If Alaskan Trees Are Polluting Oregon Forests. You Can Tell Republicans Are In Power. Pollution? It's Those Damn Trees.

The Economy Is So Bad That Bedbugs Are Now Infesting Sleeping Bags And Tents, Because They Can't Afford To Stay In Hotels Anymore.

Actually, The University Of California Says They May Start A Marijuana Research Center. Really? I Thought The University Of California Was A Marijuana Research Center.

Well, It Looks Like John Boehner Will Be The New Speaker Of The House. He Is The Son Of A Bartender, One Of 12 Children. He Grew Up In A Two Room Home With Just One Bathroom, Worked His Way Through School, Became The First Person In His Family To Graduate From College. And, Sadly, Fell In With The Wrong Crowd And Wound Up In Congress.

In Afghanistan, U.s. Troops Are Now Holding An American Man Who Has Been Fighting Alongside The Taliban. His Mother Says He Was Born In Washington, D.c. And His Father's A Lawyer. Well, That Explains It. ... He Surrendered To Authorities And Said He Wants To Go Back To His Old Job - Airline Security Guard.