If You Nail A Tool Shed Closed,

Atheism Is A Non-prophet Organization.

I Have This Real Moron Thing I Do? It's Called Thinking.

And This Should Go Without Saying. That's Why I'm Going To Say It: Drinking And Driving Don't Mix. Do Your Drinking Early In The Morning And Get It Out Of The Way. Then Go Driving While The Visibility Is Still Good.

Here's A Phrase That Apparently The Airlines Simply Made Up: Near Miss. They Say That If 2 Planes Almost Collide, It's A Near Miss. Bullshit, My Friend. It's A Near Hit! A Collision Is A Near Miss. [wham! Crunch!] "look, They Nearly Missed!" "yes, But Not Quite.

Kilometers Are Shorter Than Miles. Save Gas, Take Your Next Trip In Kilometers.