If You Go To A Bad Movie,

There's No Downside To Fame And People Who Whine About It Make Me Sick. It's The Greatest Thing In The World.

Having A 2 Year Old Is Like Having A Blender That You Don't Have The Top For.

What Is This Obsession People Have With Books? They Put Them In Their Houses Like They're Trophies. What Do You Need It For After You Read It?

Why Does That Pharmacist Have To Be Two And A Half Feet Higher Than Everybody Else? Who The Hell Is This Guy? "clear Out, Everybody. I'm Working With Pills Up Here. I'm Taking Them From This Big Bottle And Then I'm Gonna Put Them In The Little Bottle. That's My Whole Job. I Can't Be Down On The Floor With You People."

My Wife Is Funny. And I Dabble In It. So Being Funny Is Big Around Our House. But What's Surprised Me Is My Daughter Can Do An English Accent. I Don't Know How She Learned This.