If You Ever Meet Someone Who Cannot

Showing Up At School Already Able To Read Is Like Showing Up At The Undertaker's Already Embalmed: People Start Worrying About Being Put Out Of Their Jobs.

There's No National Glue Holding Us Together Because Somebody Put Too Much Pluribus In The Unum.

There Is Much To Be Said For Post-menopausal Celibacy. Sex Is Rough On Loners Because You Have To Have Somebody Else Around, But Now I Don't. No More Diets To Stay Slim And Desirable: I've Had Sex And I've Had Food, And I'd Rather Eat.

Of All The Old Maid's Blessing, The Greatest Is Carte Blanche. Spinsterhood Is Powerful; Once A Woman Is Called "that Crazy Old Maid" She Can Get Away With Anything.

Americans Respect Talent Only Insofar As It Leads To Fame, And We Reserve Our Most Fervent Admiration For Famous People Who Destroy Their Lives As Well As Their Talent. The Fatal Flaws Of Elvis, Judy, And Marilyn Register Much Higher On Our National Applause Meter Than Their Living Achievements. In Amerca, Talent Is Merely A Tool For Becoming Famous In Life So You Can Become More Famous In Death - Where All Are Equal.