If 'what Doesn't Kill You Makes You

I Think Comedy Is On An Organic Upsurge Right Now Because When I Started, It Was 1978 At The Comedy Store And Letterman Had Just Stopped Emceeing His Morning Show.

I Think Desperate Housewives Is A Pretty Good Show, I Watch It, I Like It And I Don't Love Reality Tv That Much. I Do Watch Some, I've Got Three Daughters So We'll Watch The Good Stuff, The Fun Stuff.

Today Is The First Day Of The Rest Of Your Life. And If That Doesn't Work Out For You, Tomorrow Is The First Day Of The Rest Of Your Life.

Stop It, Stop Lighting Your Butthol On Fire, And Everybody Listen To Me. If You Light Your Ass On Fire, I Hope You Have Boxers Or A Filter Of Somekind, Because If Your A Bareass Person. Not A Lot Of People Have Done This. Stop It. This Is Why. You Can Cauterize Your Asshole Shut, So When You Fart It Has Nowhere To Go And You Can Have A Fart Attack.

I Love Watching People Get Hit In The Crotch. But Only If They Get Back Up. If Their Teeth Are Bleeding, If They're Really Hurt, If An Ambulance Has To Come, I'm Not Laughing.