If There's One Thing I Can't Bear,

I Could Have Been A Judge, But I Never Had The Latin For The Judgin'. I Never Had It, So I'd Had It, As Far As Being A Judge Was Concerned... I Would Much Prefer To Be A Judge Than A Coal Miner Because Of The Absence Of Falling Coal.

Playing Rugby At School I Once Fell On A Loose Ball And, Through Ignorance And Fear, Held On Despite A Fierce Pummelling. After That It Took Me Months To Convince My Team-mates I Was A Coward.

You Realize That Suicide's A Criminal Offense. In Less Enlightened Times They'd Have Hung You For It.

Everything I've Ever Told You, Including This, Is A Lie.

I Would Like To Like To Make One Thing Clear At The Very Outset And That Is, When You Speak Of A Train Robbery, This Involved No Loss Of Train, Merely What I Like To Call The Contents Of The Train, Which Were Pilfered. We Haven't Lost A Train Since 1946, I Believe It Was - The Year Of The Great Snows When We Mislaid A Small One.