If I'm Going To Be A Mess,

I Cringe A Lot When I Look At My Early Talk-show Experiences.

If You're A Kid Who Was Not Especially A Star In Your High School, I Recommend Going To A College In The Middle Of Nowhere. I Got All The Attention I Could Ever Have Wanted.

I Always Knew I Wanted Kids, But When My Mom Passed Away I Was Like, 'i Want A Bunch Of Kids. I Want Three Kids Or Four Kids, And I Want To Have That Relationship Again.' I Can't Bring My Mom Back, But I Can Have Children.

There Wasn't A Big Tradition Of Comedy At Dartmouth. More Than That, There Wasn't Really Anything Artsy Going On In Hanover, Or Even In New Hampshire. The Cool Thing About The School Is That There's Nothing For People To Watch, So If You Were To Do A Play Or A Sketch Or An Improv Troupe, It Was Always Packed. There's Nowhere Else For Anyone To Go. But There Was No Comedy.

Always Wear Flats And Have Your Friends Sleep Over: A Step-by-step How-to Guide For Avoiding Getting Murdered