I Won't Take No For A Question.

Text A Guy You Like Right Now, "i'm Thinking About You." If He Says, "mmm Are You In Bed?" Never Speak To Him Again He's A Lifelong Moron.

I Had One Job That Was Kind Of Cop-like. One Summer I Did Security At A Miniature Golf Course. Just Standing Out In The Sun All Day, Hey, Hey, Excuse Me Sir. Get Your Putter Out Of The Whale's Ass. Come On, This Is A Place Of Miniature Business. This Is Not A Playground Even Though It Looks Like A Playground.

I Have Faith In All Mankind. Well,not Faith Really, More Like Hopeful Suspicion. And Not "all" But 5 People. Mankind Meaning Computers.

I Once Overheard The Sweetest Old Woman Behind Me On A Train Tell Her Adorable Old Husband As He Scoffed Down A Ham Sandwich She Had Brought Along, "if You Ever Yell At Me To "stop Bringing A Ham Sandwich With Me Every Where We Go" Again? Next Time I'm Bringing A Gun. And I'm Blowing Your God Damn Head Off."

I Have Never Even Had A Sip Of Alcohol, Never Have Done Drugs. The Hardest Thing I Have Ever Done Would Be Pepsi.