I Was Looking At A Bottle Of

When You Have Five Little Kids, You're Not Going To Open Mindy Kaling's Latest Book. You're Playing With Your Kids.

After You Eat A Hot Pocket, Everything Will Taste Like Rubber For A Month!

I'd Been Acting And Doing Stand-up In New York About Eight Years, Getting Rejected, And I Finally Got The Opportunity To Do Stand-up On Letterman, Which Holds Even More Importance For Me. With Comedians, That's Definitely The Pinnacle, But Being From Indiana, It Was A Big To-do.

I Have More Pictures Of My Children Than My Father Ever Looked At Me.

Pie Can't Compete With Cake. Put Candles In A Cake, It's A Birthday Cake. Put Candles In A Pie, Someone's Drunk In The Kitchen.