I Was In A Supermarket And I

I Just Had A Pedicure. My Feet Are Soft Like A Baby's Behind. If His Ass Was Covered In Calluses.

What Do You Do If You're In The Car And Your Girlfriend Touches Your Crotch Then Asks You To Remind Her To Get Kitchen Scissors?

Found A Bunch Of Old Shower Caps In My House. Was Gonna Throw Them Out But Realized They Make Excellent Porta Potties For Long Road Trips.

I Love Telling Stories And Acting And Entertaining People. I Don't Want To Make Fun Of People.

You Can Talk About Things Indirectly, But If You Want To Talk How People Really Talk, You Have To Talk R-rated. I Mean I've Got Three Incredibly Intelligent Daughters, But When You Get Mad, You Get Mad And You Talk Like People Talk. When A Normal 17-year-old Girl Storms Out Of The House Or 15-year-old Boy Is Mad At His Mom Or Dad, They're Not Talking The Way People Talk On Tv. Unless It's Cable.