I Want To Make A Vending Machine

Every Mcdonald's Commercial Ends The Same Way: Prices And Participation May Vary. I Wanna Open A Mcdonald's And Not Participate In Anything. I Wanna Be A Stubborn Mcdonald's Owner. "cheeseburgers?" "nope! We Got Spaghetti, And Blankets."

I Guess The One-liner Kind Of Comic Sounds Like A Guy Who Can Talk And Talk And Whatever The Subject Is, He Can Pull Out A One-liner, But I Couldn't Do That. I Didn't Like The Association. I Mean, I Love Steven Wright, But So Many People Started Saying "steven Wright" To Me, And I Would Get Mad, Because I Never Wanted To Be Thought Of As Copying Anybody.

Yeah, I'm Not Into Sports. If Someone Told Me I Had Athlete's Foot, I'd Say That's Not My Foot!

People Associate Long Hair With Drug Use. I Wish People Associated Long Hair With Something Other Than Drug Use, Like An Extreme Longing For Cake. And Then Strangers Would See A Long Haired Guy And Say, "that Guy Eats Cake!" "he Is On Bundt Cake!" Mothers Saying To Their Daughters, "don't Bring The Cake Eater Over Here Anymore. He Smells Like Flour. Did You See How Excited He Got When He Found Out Your Birthday Was Fast Approaching?"

I Had An Apartment And I Had A Neighbor, And Whenever He Would Knock On My Wall I Knew He Wanted Me To Turn My Music Down And That Made Me Angry 'cause I Like Loud Music... So When He Knocked On The Wall, I'd Mess With His Head. I'd Say Go Around I Cannot Open The Wall I Dunno If You Have A Door On Your Side But Over Here There's Nothin'. It's Just Flat.