I've Been Wrestling With Reality For Most

I Got In A Fight One Time With A Really Big Guy, And He Said, "i'm Going To Mop The Floor With Your Face." I Said, "you'll Be Sorry." He Said, "oh, Yeah? Why?" I Said, "well, How Are You Going To Get Into The Corners?"

Coming Up With A Funny Joke Is Like Falling In Love: It Can Hit You Any Time, Anywhere. Having Said That, The More You Put Yourself Out There, The Better Your Odds Will Be.

My Grandmother's Brain Was Dead, But Her Heart Was Still Beating. It Was The First Time We Ever Had A Democrat In The Family.

I've Always Kind Of Pushed The Envelope In Terms Of Trying To Get Away With Things No One Else Was Going Near. I Always Thought Of Myself Like A Mouse Trying To Get Cheese That No One Else Could Get Without Getting Their Tail Snipped Off.

He Taught Me Never To Smile, Which Helps Me When I Visit Disaster Sites.