I Used To Be Scared Of Pretty

When I Was 10, I Beat Up The School Bully. His Arms Were In Casts. That's What Gave Me The Courage.

I Never Cheated On My Wife. I Took Seriously Those Vows Of Celibacy.

I Was Feeling A Bit Down, I Went To A Therapist A Few Times, At A Hundred Bucks A Pop. But Then I Realized That No Therapy Session Would Ever Cheer Me Up Half As Much As If I Was Just Strolling Along And Found A Hundred Dollar Bill.

My Dad And I, We Used To Play Baseball. I Was The Catcher. Which I Liked. Until One Day, I Saw This Game On Tv, And I Said, Hang On, How Come Their Catcher Doesn't Have His Hands Tied To His Ankles?

I Got In A Fight One Time With A Really Big Guy, And He Said, "i'm Going To Mop The Floor With Your Face." I Said, "you'll Be Sorry." He Said, "oh, Yeah? Why?" I Said, "well, How Are You Going To Get Into The Corners?"