I Think Capital Punishment Works Great. Every

Space Tourism Is God's Way Of Telling You You Aren't Spending Enough On Lap Dances, Baccarat And Cocaine.

It's Very Hard Not To Be Condescending When You're Explaining Something To An Idiot.

Freedom Isn't Free. It Shouldn't Be A Bragging Point That 'oh, I Don't Get Involved In Politics,' As If That Makes Someone Cleaner. No, That Makes You Derelict Of Duty In A Republic. Liars And Panderers In Government Would Have A Much Harder Time Of It If So Many People Didn't Insist On Their Right To Remain Ignorant And Blindly Agreeable.

[the Republicans] Are Always Asking The Muslims To Denounce Their Extremists. And I Agree With Them. But They Don't Take That Note And Do It Among Their Own. They Don't Denounce Their Own Extremists.

New Rule: If You Can Force A Woman To Look At A Sonogram—to See What Will Happen If She Has An Abortion—you Also Have To Let Her See A Crying Baby, A Bratty Five-year-old, And A Surly Teenager To See What Will Happen If She Doesn’t. And You Have To Tell Her It Costs $204,000 To Raise It Until It Turns Eighteen, In 2028, Where It Will Be A Slave To The Chinese, In A Radioactive World With No Animals, Fish, Or Plants.