I'm Better Than Dirt. Well, Most Kinds

A Lot Of People Believe That If Everybody Just Did What They Were Told - Obeyed - Everything Would Be Fine. But That's Not What Life Is All About. That's Not Real. It's Never Going To Happen.

You Know, I've Been Thinking. Everyone Makes Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwiches But Usually The Jelly Drips Out All Over The Side And The Guy's Hands Get All Sticky. But Your Jelly Stays Right In The Middle Where It's Supposed To. I Don't Know How You Do It? You Just Got A Gift, I Guess. I've Always Thought So. I've Just Never Mentioned It. But It's Time You Knew How I Feel. I Don't Believe In Keeping Feelings Bottled Up. Goodbye, My Wife.

Today Is The First Day Of The Rest Of Your Short, Brutish Existence As A Sentient Creature Before Being Snuffed Out Into Utter Nothingness For All Eternity.

The Next Time You Are Contemplating A Decision In Which You Are Debating Whether Or Not To Go For The Gusto, Ask Yourself This Important Question: "how Long Am I Going To Be Dead?" With That Perspective, You Can Now Make A Free, Fearless Choice To Do Just About Any Goddamned Sneaky Thing Your Devious Little Mind Can Think Up. Go Ahead. Have Your Fun. You're Welcome. Go On. See You In Hell.

You Know Boys, A Nuclear Reactor Is A Lot Like Women. You Just Have To Read The Manual And Press The Right Button.