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Mcdonald's Breakfast For Under A Dollar Is Actually More Expensive Than That. You Have To Factor In The Cost Of Bypass Surgery.

Trying To Be Happy By Accumulating Possessions Is Like Trying To Satisfy Hunger By Taping Sandwiches All Over Your Body

Standing Ovations Have Become Far Too Commonplace. What We Need Are Ovations Where The Audience Members All Punch And Kick One Another.

In Restaurants Where They Serve Frog's Legs, What Do They Do With The Rest Of The Frog? Do They Just Throw It Away? You Never See "frog Torsos" On The Menu. Is There Actually A Garbage Can Full Of Frog Bodies In The Alley? I Wouldn't Want To Be A Homeless Guy Looking For An Unfinished Cheeseburger And Open The Lid On That

I Used To Be Irish Catholic. Now I'm An American - You Know, You Grow.