I Have A Theory That The Internet

Politicians Will Promise Some Pretty Ridiculous Things. They Will Promise A Chicken In Every Pot. They'll Promise That They'll Keep Social Security Solvent. They'll Promise Drugs For Old People. They'll Promise Lots Of Stuff. But It Doesn't Come Near The Kind Of Promises That Religion Makes. The Mormons Promise That If You're Good While You're On Earth, You Get To Rule Over Your Own Planet In The Afterlife. Now, There's An Entitlement That Goes A Little Bit Beyond Prescription Drugs For Old People.

I'm More Likely To Not Invite Someone Back For Not Talking. If Someone Talks A Lot, I Can Usually Shut Them Up And Control Them. But With People Who Don't Talk, If They Don't Really Want To Talk, They Probably Shouldn't Be On This Show, And That's Fine. They're Talented People With Things To Say, But Sometimes People Say What They Have To Say Through Other Means Than Arguing.

The Clinton White House Today Said They Would Start To Give National Security And Intelligence Briefings To George Bush. I Don't Know How Well This Is Working Out. Today After The First One Bush Said, 'i've Got One Question: What Color Is The Red Phone?'

Is It [hunting] Really A Sport If You Have All The Equipment And Your Opponent Doesn't Know A Game Is Going On?

The Comedy Gods Are Smiling On Me Tonight, Because I Have Been Saying, For The Longest Time, That President Bush Must Set A Timetable For Removing His Head From His Ass...and, By God, Today They Went In And Looked For It... They Didn't Find It. So Now We Don't Know Where It Is, But At Least For Once In My Life, I Get To See The Words "bush", "operation", And "success" In The Same Sentence.