I Have A Couple Freeloader Friends, But

I Failed First Grade, Which Is My Biggest Problem. You Always Feel Like A Failure, Like You're Stupid.

My Kitchen's Pink, Like Skin-tone Pink, And I Lowered My Spice Rack So It's Eye Level - It's True! - And My Phone, So I Can Reach It When I Fall, It's Right There.

I Want Witchcraft So Bad That I Can't Stand It. I Have Wands In My Apartment. And I Use Them Sometimes. I Walk Into The Kitchen With My Wand, And I Come Out With Something On A Platter And I Say, 'see, Magic Happens.' Works Every Time.

Learn More About Yourself! Make A Self-esteem Collage Using Pictures Of Other People You Wish You Were.

On The Off Chance That You Have Children, Don't Clean Up At All. As Children, My Brother And Sister And I Loved Waking Up Early And Playing Cocktail Party With The Leftover Debris