I Hate Arrows. They Try To Tell

When You Open The Elevator On The Top Floor Of A Building And The Other Guy Doesn't Get Out, Something Is Seriously Wrong.

I Don't Have A Microwave Oven, But I Do Have A Clock That Occasionally Cooks Stuff.

I Want To Get A Vending Machine, With Fun Sized Candy Bars, And The Glass In Front Is A Magnifying Glass. You'll Be Mad, But It Will Be Too Late.

If You Find Yourself Lost In The Woods, Build A House. "well, I Was Lost, But Now I Live Here!"

A Friend Gave Me A Drug For Attention Deficit Disorder, Because He's Afflicted, But I'm Not. So What Happened To Me Is I Suddenly Had An Extra-long Attention Span. People Would Tell Me A Story, And It Would End, And I'd Get All Mad. "come On, Man, There Has To Be More To That Story."