I Feel Like I'm Wearing Orthopedic Shoes,

Death Is The Monster We All Fear, Yet With Each Day, We Walk Toward It, And Can't Help Doing So; We Can't Help But Walk Toward The One Thing We're Most Trying To Avoid.

The Difference Between A Gop Convention And Comic-con Is That The People At Comic-con Have A Much Firmer Grasp Of Reality.

People Say To Me All The Time, "i Get My News From Your Show." And That Isn't The Way They Should Get Their News. But The Choice Is Not Between Getting Their News The Right Way And Getting Their News From My Show. The Choice Is That They Won't Get Any At All Unless You Give It To Them In An Entertaining Package.

If You Think Democrats Are Going To Take Away Your Bible, You're An Idiot. If You Think They Are Going To Take Away Your Gun, You're An Armed Idiot. If You Think They're Going To Take Away Your Gun And Give It To A Mexican To Kill Your God, You're Bill O'reilly.

We Need More People Speaking Out. This Country Is Not Overrun With Rebels And Free Thinkers. It's Overrun With Sheep And Conformists.