I Feel Like I Go Back And

So This Was What It Felt Like To Lose Yourself. Again. To Let Go Of Your Future And Let It Rise Up And Up Until Finally You Couldn't See It Anymore, And You Knew That You Had To Start Over.

There Is A Stage You Reach, Deagle Thinks, A Time Somewhere In Early Middle Age, When Your Past Ceases To Be About Yourself. Your Connection To Your Former Life Is Like A Dream Or Delirium, And That Person Who You Once Were Is Merely A Fond Acquaintance, Or A Beloved Character From A Storybook. This Is How Memory Becomes Nostalgia. They Are Two Very Different Things - The Same Way That A Person Is Different From A Photograph Of A Person.

I Guess I'm Curious About How People Process Grief And How They Process Loss. And I'm Also Interested In The Ways In Which An Event Can Have Long-reaching Consequences And A Life Over The Course Of Years.

I Start With An Image, Then I Go From The Image Toward Exploring The Situation. Then I Write A Scene, And From The Scene I Find The Character, From The Character I Find The Larger Plot. It's Like Deductive Reasoning - I Start With The Smaller Stuff And Work Backward.

You Can Go On Like This For A Very Long Time, And No One Will Notice. You Keep Thinking You're Going To Hit Some Sort Of Bottom, But I'm Here To Tell You: There Is No Bottom.