I Don't Make Jokes. I Just Watch

Communism Is Like Prohibition, It Is A Good Idea, But It Won't Work.

Banking And After-dinner Speaking Are Two Of The Most Nonessential Industries We Have In This Country. I Am Ready To Reform, If They Are.

There Is No More Independence In Politics Than There Is In Jail.

America Already Holds The Record For Freak Movements. Now We Have A New One. It's Called "restoring Confidence." Rich Men Who Never Had A Mission In Life Outside Of Watching A Stock Ticker Are Working Day And Night "restoring Confidence." Writers Are Working Night Shifts, Speakers' Tables Are Littered Up, Ministers Are Preaching Statistics, All On "restoring Confidence."

A King Can Stand People's Fighting But He Can't Last Long If People Start Thinking.