I Don't Do Emoticons Unless I'm Making

Unless We're Talking About Old-school, Witchcraft-trial Violence, Can We Please Phase Out The Phrase 'girl Crush?' While We're At It, If We Can Axe 'like, Total Girl Crush' Unless Total Girl Crush Is The Name Of A Fizzy Soft Drink, In Which Case I'll Take Two, Thank You.

Every Time I Open The Drawer, It's A Trip Down Memory Lane, Which, If You Don't Turn Off At The Right Exit, Merges Straight Into The Masochistic Nostalgia Highway.

The Queen Of Crafts Herself, Martha Stewart, And I Have The Same Birthday. I Prefer To Think It's The Glue-gun Wielding, Perfect-tart-producing Martha And Not The Copper Pan-throwing, Jail-going Martha. But I Suppose If I Am Going To Share A Calendar Square With Some Of Martha, I Have To Share It With All Of Martha.

The Darkness At Irving. Hope To Have As Much Fun Doing Anything Ever As These Guys Have On Stage.

I Think The Rule Of Thumb Should Be This: If You Preface A Sentence About A Friend With The Phrase, 'i Love X, But... ' More Than Once In Any Conversation, You Should Stop Hanging Out With Them.