I Did Standup While Still Working For

By The Time I Was In The Fourth Grade, I Sounded Exactly Like My Father On The Phone.

If (o.j. Simpson) Is Acquitted, I Will Renounce My Citizenship. And If I Converse With Him At A Cocktail Party, I Will Say, 'well, There Are So Many People Here Who Haven't Murdered Anyone. I Think I'll Go Talk To Them.' I'll Also Riot.

The Nixon Administration Kept A Nasty Eye On Our Show... Cops Would Come By - Often Just In Time To See The Act They Wanted To See.

You Have To Be On Tv A Surprisingly Long Time Before You're Stopped On The Street. Then, When You Are, You Get A Lot Of, 'hey, You're Great! What's Your Name Again?'

All Three Of My Parents - I Also Had A Stepmother - Were Teachers, And My Dad Taught High School, And As He Always Reminded Me When I Was Going To Spend Some Money On Something, 'your Mother And I, In The Depression, Had To Decide Whether To Spend A Dime On A Loaf Of Bread Or If We Could Go To A Movie With It.'