I'd Never Hurt Another Person.

I Don't Think I've Ever Seen Pie Advertised. That's How You Know It's Good. They Advertise Ice Cream And Other Desserts. They Advertise The Bejeeezus Out Of Yogurt, But I Haven't Seen One Pie Commercial.

I Am Not Agnostic. I Am Atheist. I Don’t Think There Is No God; I Know There’s No God. I Know There’s No God The Same Way I Know Many Other Laws In Our Universe. I Know There’s No God And I Know Most Of The World Knows That As Well. They Just Won’t Admit It Because There’s Another Thing They Know. They Know They’re Going To Die And It Freaks Them Out. So Most People Don’t Have The Courage To Admit There’s No God And They Know It. They Feel It. They Try To Suppress It. And If You Bring It Up They Get Angry Because It Freaks Them Out.

I'm A Comedian, Not A Politician.

What We Used To Settle With Common Sense Or A Fist, We Settle With Hand Sanitizer And Lawyers.

Figure Out What To Do, Then Take A Nap.