I Believe In Process. I Believe That

I Really Love Cursing A Lot. But As I Get Older, I Realize It's A Little Unseemly For Women Of A Certain Age.

We're Gonna Promote Freedom. Usher In Democratic Values And Ideals. And Fight Terror-loving Terrorists.

A Harvard Medical School Study Has Determined That Rectal Thermometers Are Still The Best Way To Tell A Baby's Temperature. Plus, It Really Teaches The Baby Who's Boss.

I Grew Up In A Family Of Republicans. And When I Was 18 And Registering To Vote, My Mom’s Only Instruction Was ‘you Just Go In And Pull The Big Republican Lever.’ That’s My Welcome To Adulthood. She’s Like, ‘no, Don’t Even Read It. Just Pull The Republican Lever.

‘how Do You Juggle It All?’ People Constantly Ask Me, With An Accusatory Look In Their Eyes. ‘you’re Screwing It All Up, Aren’t You?’ Their Eyes Say. My Standard Answer Is That I Have The Same Struggle As Any Working Parent But With The Good Fortune To Be Working At My Dream Job. Or Sometimes I Just Hand Them A Juicy Red Apple I’ve Poisoned In My Working-mother Witch Cauldron And Fly Away.