I Always Told Everybody The Perfect Joke

Whenever I Do Theaters, I Don't Like 'em. I Don't Think They're Right For Stand-up.

There Is A Very Prevalent Tenet With Youth, That Good Company Is Every Thing Desirable, And That Bad Is Even Better Than None.

I Was In My Peak Physical Condition When I Was About Like, Uh... One. Oh God, I Looked Good, Young And Fresh! You Wouldn't Know Me Now If You'd Seen Me When I Was One, You Know? I Even Looked Good For My Age. People Would Come Up To Me And Go, What Are You, Zero? And I'd Go, No, I'm One Over Here!

Some Men Are Tempted To Violate Secrecy From The Uneasiness Secrecy Gives Them, And Others, Merely To Impress You With The Extent Of Their Confidence.

You Can't Love Your Team Without Hating Another Team.