God Invented Mankind Because He Loved Silly

Thank You... Preseason Football, For Having All The Excitement, Commercials, And Time-outs Of The Regular Season, But With None Of The Mattering. I Appreciate It. Thank You.

A 99-year-old Man Is Filing For Divorce From His 96-year-old Wife, Making Them The World's Oldest Divorced Couple. It's Got To Be Weird When A Divorce Lawyer Is Fighting For Your Kids To Get Custody Of You.

Senate Democrats Blocked President Obama's Trade Bill Yesterday Because They're Worried It Could Hurt Jobs. It's Not An Issue For Republicans, Since They've All Found Work As Presidential Candidates.

Republican Candidate Ben Carson Told Reporters He Thinks American Prisons Might Be Too Comfortable. As Opposed To Mexican Prisons That Have Personal Showers With $5 Million Escape Tunnels.

The Tsa's Airport Body Scanners Have Been Shown To Be So Ineffective, The Homeland Security Chairman Suggested Using Traditional Metal Detectors. While Laguardia Will Continue To Just Have A Scarecrow Dressed As A Cop.