Every Single Person Wants To Do It,

Everyday I Question Myself. I Look In The Mirror, Or Read One Of My Scripts, Or I Reflect On My Acting And I Say To Myself 'that Was Good...but Was It Zach Braff Good?' Lets Just Say Things Have Been Looking Pretty Zach Braff So Far.

I Think There Are Bound To Be Obstacles In Any Path To Success. I Mean, I'm Jewish, And There's Nothing I Can Do About That. Instead Of Sitting Around And Feeling Sorry For Myself, I Got Over It And Did Something With My Life.

In A Perfect World, Everybody Would Be Gay. I Mean If Everybody Looked Like Zach Braff, You Just Wouldn't Be Able To Resist.

Compared To My Talents, Whoopi Goldberg Is Like One Of Those Fake Plastic Buddhas You Get At Dollar Stores. I Mean Really, I Fail To See The Humor In An Overweight Negro Woman With Dreadlocks, No Eyebrows, And Is Named After A Childish Term For Flatulence.

Well, I'm Not Saying That America Is A Bad Place Or Anything. I Just Think 9/11 Needed To Happen Sooner Or Later.