Don't Keep Reaching For The Stars Because

Thank You... Fantasy Football Draft, For Letting Me Know That Even In My Fantasies, I Am Bad At Sports.

According To A New Poll, Republicans Are More Likely To Have A Doughnut For Breakfast, While Democrats Prefer To Eat Bagels And Croissants. While Independents Are That Annoying Friend Who's Still Looking At The Menu After 15 Minutes.

The Bp President Said Yesterday That The Company Would Survive. That's Like Someone Running Over Your Dog And Saying, 'don't Worry, My Car Is Fine.'

Nasa Is Developing Space Taxis To Shuttle Astronauts To The International Space Station. And Just Like New York Taxis, They're All Going To Be Driven By Aliens.

Thank You, Yard Sales, For Being The Perfect Way To Say To Your Neighbors: We Think We're Important Enough To Charge Money For Our Garbage.