Because Of All Our Presidents, Barack Obama

I've Decided To Cut Out The Part Of The Speech Where I Say Anything Nice About Democrats.

No Matter What Argument You Make Against Evolution, The Response Is Well, You Know, It's Possible To Believe In Evolution And Believe In God. Yes, And It's Possible To Believe In Spiderman And Believe In God, But That Doesn't Prove Spiderman Is True.

We Didn't Raise This Issue, The Courts Raised It. The Courts Jammed It Down Our Throats, At The Risk Of Insulting Any Of My Gay Male Fans.

Canada Has Become Trouble Recently ... It's Always The Worst Americans Who Go There ... We Could Have Taken Them Over So Easy. But I Only Want The Western Part, With The Ski Areas, The Cowboys, And The Right Wingers. They're The Only Good Parts Of Canada.

A Word To Those Of You Out There Who Have Yet To Be Offended By Something I Have Said: Please Be Patient. I Am Working As Fast As I Can.