And If You Love Only Yourself, You

Thanksgiving Is A Magical Time Of Year When Families Across The Country Join Together To Raise America's Obesity Statistics. Personally, I Love Thanksgiving Traditions: Watching Football, Making Pumpkin Pie, And Saying The Magic Phrase That Sends Your Aunt Storming Out Of The Dining Room To Sit In Her Car.

You Should Spend More Time With Your Families; Write That Novel You've Always Wanted To Write. You Know, The One About The Fearless Reporter Who Stands Up To The Administration. You Know - Fiction.

It's August, Which Means Congress Is On Recess And Mitch Mcconnell Has Shimmied Back Into The Ocean To Seek A Mate.

Comedians Dissect Jokes All The Time. Comedians Are Beautiful Structuralists. But Ultimately It's An Athletic Endeavor.

I Teach Sunday School, Motherf*****.