According To A New Un Report, The

Texas Governor Rick Perry Now Says His Wife Has Been Encouraging Him To Run For President. Remember First He Told Us God Told Him To Run; Now His Wife Is Telling Him To Run. Of Course, The Big Difference; If You Ignore What God Says You Don't Have To Hear About It Until The Afterlife. That's The Only Difference.

In The Enron Scandal, Whistleblower Sherron Watkins Is Now Calling Herself Enron Brokovitch. She Testified Ken Lay Was Duped By The Other Executives. Oh, Yeah. When Is The Last Time You Got Duped And Made $100 Million?

Climate Experts Say We Should Tell Villagers In Developing Countries To Reduce The Amount Of Cooking Smoke They Generate To Help Fix Global Warming. You Know, It's As If These People Don't Hate Us Enough Already. I Mean, They Live In Mud Huts, They Have Thatch Roofs, Their Clothes Are Made Of Straw. We Pull Up In A Bunch Of Humvees And Suvs Going, 'hey, You Want To Cut The Smoke Out Of Here?'

According To Usa Today, 74 Percent Of Americans Plan To Hand Out Candy This Halloween. Although President Obama Thinks It Should Be Just The Top 1 Percent.

According To Geologists, About 100 Million Years From Now, Asia And The Americas Will Smash Together To Form One Giant Supercontinent. The Good News: Maybe All Those Jobs That Went Over There Will Finally Come Back.