List of A. P. Herbert Quotes

Harriet, Hi! Light Of My Eye! Come To The Pictures And Have A Good Cry, For It's Jolly Old Saturday, Mad-as-a-hatter-day, Nothing-much-matter-day-night!

This High Official, All Allow, Is Grossly Overpaid; There Wasn't Any Board, And Now There Isn't Any Trade.

Greenfly, It's Difficult To See Why God, Who Made The Rose, Made Thee.

Let's Stop Somebody From Doing Something! Everybody Does Too Much.

The Whole Constitution Has Been Erected Upon The Assumption That The King Not Only Is Capable Of Doing Wrong But Is More Likely To Do Wrong Than Other Men If He Is Given The Chance.

The Essence Of Humour Is Surprise; That Is Why You Laugh When You See A Joke In Punch.

The Rain Is Plentious But, By God's Decree, Only A Third Is Meant For You And Me; Two-thirds Are Taken By The Growing Things Or Vanish Heavenward On Vapour's Wings: Nor Does It Mathematically Fall With Social Equity On One And All. The Population's Habit Is To Grow In Every Region Where The Water's Low: Nature Is Blamed For Failings That Are Man's, And Well-run Rivers Have To Change Their Plans.

A Man Who Has Made Up His Mind On A Given Subject Twenty-five Years Ago And Continues To Hold His Political Opinions After He Has Been Proved To Be Wrong Is A Man Of Principle; While He Who From Time To Time Adapts His Opinions To The Changing Circumstances Of Life Is An Opportunist.

As My Poor Father Used To Say In 1963, Once People Start On All This Art Goodbye, Moralitee! And What My Father Used To Say Is Good Enough For Me.

An Act Of God Was Defined As Something Which No Reasonable Man Could Have Expected.

Men Who Would Face Torture Without A Word Become Blasphemous At The Short Fourteenth. It Is Clear That The Game Of Golf May Well Be Included In That Category Of Intolerable Provocations Which May Legally Excuse Or Mitigate Behaviour Not Otherwise Excusable.

Well, Fancy Giving Money To The Government! Might As Well Have Put It Down The Drain.